Victoria BC Local Artist Terri Heal

This local artist happens to be my sister and I think she is amazing for many reasons including being an incredibly loving sister, funny, creative, and aesthetically gifted but she has truly surprised me in the last few years with her ability to sketch and paint so well.  Although I have always known that she has a great eye for colour and style her newest interest has been sketching. She is almost always holding a pen, sketchbook and paints in her hand when we have a family get-together.

She “warned” me last night that she has drawn almost everyone in the family except me and I was likely next on the list. She is surprisingly good in creating likenesses of most of my family members but I found myself having an aversion to the idea of her sketching me. What is that about, I ask myself as I write this. I will have to face it soon, I suppose. Below is a link to her website with a few of her pieces of artwork. This is a new site and I’m sure she would say very much a work in progress. Despite that, I think she has started something wonderful for herself and for others to appreciate.

Link to Terri Heal’s website

Dawn Cox does counselling in person in Victoria BC as well as online via Skype, FaceTime and Google Hangout

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ADD, ADHD or Vision Problem: Convergence Insufficiency Highlighted

Below is some fascinating reading about the surprisingly high frequency of ADD/ADHD misdiagnosis. If you (that’s right, adults may be misdiagnosed as well) or your child are struggling with reading, learning, school or work tasks, school or work relationships, you may have a condition known as Convergence Insufficiency. This term describes the way our eyes work together to see an object. Typically, as an object becomes closer to us, our eyes need to move closer together to maintain focus on the object. For some (4.2-6% of school and clinic cases) one of the eyes veers outward and the eyes then see two rather than one object. Double vision is the result. This is reported to be “a sensory and neuromuscular anomally of the binocular vision system” (wiki definition) .

The good news is that there have been very good results with treatment through eye exercises 15 minutes per day, 5 days per week. In randomized clinical studies within the last ten years results found 75% of cases either improved or resolved the symptoms by strengthening the eye muscles using these exercises.

Have a look at these articles for more information:

Times Colonist Article on Convergence Insufficiency

Mayo Clinic Article on Convergence Insufficiency

Convergenceinsufficiency.com

As a counsellor I am always trying to think outside of the box and increase my knowledge base in an attempt to stay out of the ruts that can so easily become our way of thinking as human beings. I am thankful to friends and colleagues who share their wisdom in article links like the Times Colonist article that was forwarded to me by a colleague I recently met who specializes in Vision Therapy.

His name is Cameron McCrodan and he has a clinic in Victoria BC. If you have any questions regarding Vision Therapy, the diagnosis of ADHD, vision convergence or any issues concerning the eyes or vision process here is a link to Dr. McCrodan’s clinic website:

McCrodan Vision Development

 

Dawn Cox does counselling in person in Victoria BC or online worldwide via Skype, FaceTime or Google Hangout

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Live Cumbia performance in Victoria BC

Come down and check out the live Cumbia performance tonight at Rutledge Park in Victoria BC. The park is at the corner of Inverness and Cloverdale. The performance is from six to 8 o’clock. Bring a blanket or chair and enjoy.

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Simple Ideas for Eating to Improve Your Mental Health

Nutrition is always a topic that comes up when working with clients who are trying to “feel better”. What we eat plays such a large role in our over-all health including our mood and ability to think clearly, which leads to better decisions and higher productivity, which, again, leads to feeling even better. This is a natural upward cycle.

If you can imagine giving your body the simple tools it needs to feel better, you can probably also imagine feeling pretty good about yourself for seeing the results of feeling lighter, more energetic and getting stuff done. So, not only would your mood improve but your self-esteem or confidence would go up as well. What you eat is actually part of this anti-depressant strategy. We all know that the opposite is true as well. When we feel down we often feel low energy and eat foods that leave us without the vitamins, minerals, proteins and fats we need to live our life well. This makes us feel worse and around it goes.

Giving our body the basic building blocks in needs to have tools it needs to create energy, rebuild, cope with stress and the multitude of amazing things our body can do is so key, and it isn’t really that hard. Clients tell me all of the time that there isn’t enough time in the day or they don’t like cooking. These links I’m including today have lots of great really easy ideas for being able to invest a small amount of time and energy for big pay-offs in the energy and mood departments.

Have a look to see if there is something here you might try incorporating to get the pay-off you are looking for.

10 healthy and easy dinner ideas

7 foods that boost your mood

Healthy gut, healthy mind

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Vulnerability: From Brene Brown’s Ted Talk to Daily Life

I have found when working with people from a variety of backgrounds that so many common themes become apparent in regards to human suffering. That is to say, that regardless of the differences in culture, gender or a myriad of other defining characteristics, there are many similar needs that transcend all of them. These needs frequently boil down to those that Abraham Mazlow describes in his writings, those I have touched on before in prior blogs (Abraham Mazlow info link).

As most of the clients I see have their physiological and security needs met when they come to my office we, very often find ourselves dealing with love, acceptance and belongingness with some self-concept/esteem issues frequently tied into that. In a nutshell, that is about relationships and conectedness. As human beings, so many of our stressors seem to be associated with our sense of feeling safely connected to others. Connectedness is key to a feeling of happiness. When we have that sense we feel relaxed. When that need is met we can relax our striving to get connection. But, to feel connected we need to believe that we are worthy of connection. Without that belief we find it difficult to relax into connection, that sense that someone else likes us being there; that their life is better for being connected to us.

For many people this is surprisingly difficult. I hear people say often that when they get a compliment or a friend gives them positive feedback that they don’t know what to say and feel embarrassed. I think most of us can relate to that experience but for many people the idea of accepting that feedback and integrating it into a part of their knowledge about themselves is very difficult.

I have found the roots of this to sometimes be a belief that if they accept the positive feedback then they will seem conceited or that accepting would mean they would end up getting lazy about being a “good person” and then that either of those courses would lead to losing friends. So, I ask them, if you are working on connection and then evidence of connection comes your way, you can’t accept it because then you will lose connection?  This is obviously a no-win situation and, surprisingly not an uncommon way to think. There seems to a be a feeling of vulnerability tied into accepting that you might be ok. That you are enough just as you are now. Clients describe a feeling of fear around being ok with who they are.

Vulnerability is a big topic and I would like to talk more about it in the future but for today I am going to add a link to a very famous and well-watched TED Talk by Brene Brown who has since partnered up with Oprah Winfrey among others to talk about the link between control, vulnerability and connectedness. I have watched this TED Talk at least half a dozen times and get something new out of it every time I watch it. I ask some of my clients to watch this video as homework and have created a handout (below) with many of the ideas she shares that fit so well with the personal growth work that takes place in my office. Have a look and see what comes up for you. (link below.)

I feel strongly about this idea that each of us is enough just as we are and despite continuing to grow and learn we can know that we are enough to be worthy of love and connection from others. I feel so strongly that I had the phrase tatooed onto my arm…

 

Tattoo I am enough

Tattoo I am enough

Brene Brown – Ted Talk- http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

Becoming More Deeply Connected in Your Life Handout

  • Shame is the fear of disconnection; the fear that there is something about me that, if others know it or see it, I won’t be worthy of connection.
  • No one wants to talk about shame and the more you don’t talk about it the more you have it and the more you can’t connect (have love, acceptance and belongingness)
  • Have the compassion to treat others as you would treat yourself and visa-versa
  • What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful
  • Let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you are
  • To connect you need the compassion to be kind to yourself first; if you can’t treat yourself kindly then it’s more difficult to be kind to others
  • Vulnerability is the key to connection
  • To fully embrace vulnerability, its necessary to stop controlling and predicting
  • Vulnerability is the birthplace of joy, creativity, belonging and love
  • What makes you vulnerable makes you beautiful because people can really see you and you feel real to them and that feels good to others
  • To connect you have to be seen (be authentic), be the real you
  • To have worthiness you need to have the courage to be imperfect
  • You need to let go of who you think you should be in order to be who you are; that is authenticity
  • You need authenticity for connection

 Brene Brown – Ted Talk- http://www.ted.com/talks/brene_brown_on_vulnerability.html

 * Remember Connection makes us feel safe in the world and peaceful. We are all worthy of connection. We were born that way.

Dawn Cox is a counsellor in Victoria BC and does counselling online via Skype, FaceTime or Google Hangout. Contact her at dawncox@shaw.ca

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The Question of Frequency in Therapy: How much and how often

www.dawncoxcounselling.ca

Has it ever occurred to you how counsellors or clients decide on how often they will have their sessions? How often does one need to set aside time to explore, grow awareness, and practice feeling in a safe environment?

Before I became a counsellor I somehow had an idea that therapy, for some, might be weekly. In university, and I was in my thirties while in university, I distinctly remember a teacher telling our class that having a week between sessions gives a client time to reflect and potentially learn from the session.He also said that space of time is really needed for healing and that  without it further healing can’t really take place.

I have found this to be true in my own, personal experience and in my professional practice. I have found a few exceptions to this. The first being if my client is in crisis then support, with more frequency, through the initial trauma symptoms is highly recommended, whether that be professional support or that of friends and family. A sense of safety and normalization of trauma symptoms is key to swift and long-lasting recovery from any trauma. The second is when dealing with addiction a higher frequency of support, opportunity for learning and practice is preferred, as it the concept of “rehab”. Individuals are immersed in support and learning opportunities, you might say.

In my private practice, the type of addiction I deal with most is that of eating disorders. This includes any type of focus on food or body that is interfering with elements of daily life needed for healthy living or that produce anxiety as a result of their practice. Because the need for food and your body are always with a person, any negative thoughts or behaviours associated tend to be happening many times through everyday, hence, more frequent intervention helps clients build strategies and self-knowledge to put into practice between sessions. A shorter amount of time between sessions helps clients attain a sense of “getting on top” of their negative strategies and begin to build new ones.

When checking in with clients I generally find I have a sense of what level of support they many need and I ask them what is feeling right for them. As we move through therapy, in the majority of cases there tends to be a natural feeling of wanting to space sessions out more and more and eventually we have no need to meet anymore. The client has greater sense of well-being, understanding and control of their world, at least for the time-being. Ultimately, I try not influence my clients, as much as possible, on the pace of our sessions and let them choose, although I have found that some clients want me to recommend a frequency and in this case I tell them what my gut feeling is and the reasons for my thoughts, putting the decision in their hands because I respect their ability to take care of themselves, even if checking in with me initially, is part of their journey to feel more comfortable in the knowledge that they can take care of themselves.

In regards to how long therapy might continue, again, my clients are very much in charge of that. Money can be a determining factor and I try not to let that get in the way but, money aside, the duration of counselling varies greatly from client to client. I have clients who come in to see me when they are going through something difficult and want room to process what is going on. This tends to help them gain clarity and move forward with confidence. I have other clients whom I am helping with more deeply entrenched patterns like eating disorders or chronic depression whom I will see intensely for awhile (3-6 months) and they may go away for a while and return when they have new thoughts or ideas or progress to add to their healing work.

Some clients come to therapy hopeful but in what might be called a state of readiness that is less established. That is, in “Transtheoretical” model language (“Changing for Good” book summary) , these clients are trying to take action to create change but they are still “contemplative” and not quite there yet, you might say. In these cases, therapy is part of the getting there and I meet them where they are at, trying to create an environment for success and acceptance in case they want to come back later. Working on “Preparation” is also involved in these cases.

I was prompted to write on this topic today because I came upon an article, a blog posting, written by a counsellor who lives in Exeter, Devon. Her name is Amanda Williamson (reg. MBACP) and she wrote about an informal survey she took while at the Exeter Respect Festival, which I believe, would have likely had many people interested in wellness, including professionals from many areas of the wellness field. It got me thinking and checking in about how I do things. Amanda brings up some very interesting ideas to consider. Have a look and see what you think…

Counselling – The Frequency of Therapy and the Question of Client Autonomy – Amanda Williamson

Dawn Cox does individual and couples counselling in person in Victoria BC or online anywhere in the world. You can find her at www.dawncoxcounselling.ca.

 

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What is Normal?

My clients often ask me, in various ways, am I normal?  Is this behaviour normal? It seems to be one of people’s greatest fears, not being “normal”. Why do we want to be normal? What is normal anyway?

When my clients explore these questions we seem to find that normal is a subjectively determined idea. That is to say that my “normal” may look very different from your “normal”. If this is the case, then how can we strive to be normal? How would we know when we go there. I generally recommend that rather than shooting for normal, they ask themselves what is important to them. What values do they consider important? We also look at whether or not they think they are doing the things they think are important and, if not, what is holding them back or keeping them from honouring those values. This can make it easier for clients to see what they would like to change and make plans to get there. In essence, this is confidence building.

An example of change in this way may look like the client identifying that they really like people who are reliable. They appreciate reliability. But, upon further examination they find that they regularly do things that could have others seeing them as not being reliable. For example, they always say yes when invited to see friends, go on outings, when they are asked to help out with something but when the time comes they don’t show or cancel at the last minute. This in-congruence is often uncomfortable for the individual who really values reliability but knows they are not exhibiting this through their actions. Their assessment (judgement) of themselves around this is often negative and this causes them to feel less worthy of love and acceptance from others, often referred to as low self-esteem.

Ironically, I find that the most common reason that people are unreliable in the way described in the above example is because they are not realistic about how much they canwant to do and they under-estimate how disappointed their friend will be if they say no. Surprisingly, human beings tend to just move on and ask the next person on their list but many people think, over-simplistically, that they will lose the friendship or be liked less if they say they can’t attend or help out.

As we explore this further we see that the individual also wants to be liked and often says yes to most things they are invited to do or help out with so that they won’t ever disappoint people who do the asking. Unfortunately, it is not humanly possible to do everything and help with everything we are asked to do. That is, most of us don’t have enough time in the day or energy in our gas tank to honour all of these commitments. I find that clients who do this, and there are many, end up frequently cancelling or, worse, “no-showing” because they can’t bare the thought of disappointing the person they previously said yes to. this is just one example of slef-esteem is shape and the goal of being “normal” very relative to the individuals involved.

This topic, “What is Normal” and the far-reaching ideas that surround it are too much to cover in one blog so I may make it a series. I have included an article from Psychology Today called What is Normal as an added commentary on what behaviours are seen as “normal” in the field of psychology.

Link to Psychology Today article:  What is Normal?

Dawn Cox is a Registered Clinical Counsellor seeing individuals and couples in person in Victoria BC or online via Skype, FaceTime or Google Hangout.

www.dawncoxcounselling.ca/

 

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Elite Athletes and Eating Disorders: Did You Know…?

Did you know there is a strong link between elite athletes and dysfunctional food and body focus behaviours?  It seems to intuitively make sense for most people when the link is suggested, but why? These two articles are journal articles discussing finding of the relationship between various types of sport athletes and some possible ideas about why there may be links to some sports more than others.

Clinical Journal of Sport Medicine Abstract link

Journal Article: Prevalence of Eating Disorders in Female Athletes link

What causes disordered eating?  In a nutshell… fixation on food or body image is initially intended (by the human brain) to help an individual cope with stress/anxiety. Its the brain’s way of finding relief from everyday events that cause anxiety by meeting a perceived need. They start out, in essence, as a coping strategy. Events (ideas of events) remind one of needs that we must take care of to survive. These needs, which range from food, air and water all the way to safety, love, acceptance, belongingness and a sense of worthiness have been found to be consistent across cultures around the world. Abraham Mazlow depicted the summary of basic human needs in his Hierarchy of Needs pyramid which has held merit since he first published his idea in 1943

 

When an individual perceives that there is a high amount of pay-off for a particular body type or, more often, a high amount of anxiety related to not having a particular body type the brain can become trapped in a cycle of trying to meet or maintain the need for that body type. Perceived successes, which can look like a particular number on a scale or size on a tag of clothing can produce a positive neurological/hormonal response (dopamine, serotonin etc..) which are remembered by the brain as “good”, when in the big picture a number on a scale may have no relevance to good health or performance for that individual.

The pressures associated with performance related to body type for elite athletes is likely to be high so it isn’t difficult to see how athletes could get caught up in this obsessive cycle,particularly given the developmental stage that most brains are at when athletes tend to be at their physical peak. Studies show that the brain has not finished developing until we are into our early 20’s (Jay Giedd)(EDinformatics) which, for many elite athletes, may be past their prime physically. This means that emotionally and psychologically they are working with brains that are still in the phase that tends to focus on “who am I”, the time when we are really figuring out who we are and/or want to be. This is generally done by comparing ourselves to others.

Casey, Jones and Hare, (2008) write, “Adolescence is a developmental period characterized by suboptimal decisions and actions that are associated with an increased incidence of unintentional injuries, violence, substance abuse, unintended pregnancy, and sexually transmitted diseases”. In a nutshell, again, the teen years are often a time when well-thought-out decisions are not the norm for many simply because the brain does not have the capacity to make them. I do want to recognize that some elite athletes are over the age of 25 but most are not.

The findings in this research on elite athletes gives me pause for thought. Do we as individuals contribute to the pressures that these athletes find themselves under? I want to be able to say that I don’t contribute but professional and elite sports are a very accepted and even revered part of our culture. That is something to think about.

Dawn Cox is a Registered Clinical Counsellor seeing individuals and couples in person in Victoria BC or online via Skype, FaceTime or Google Hangout.

www.dawncoxcounselling.ca/

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How Fear, Pleasure and Psychopathy Work in the Brain

I just watched this very cool video called “How Does Your Memory Work”.  I don’t know if this really captures the essence of this documentary. They move through several real life examples of how the brain works through the fight or flight response using graphics and great explanations in simple terms.

The video addresses fear responses in the military and base jumpers as well as pleasure centres of the brain in both base jumping, gambling and sexual arousal for example. The concept of pleasure seeking related to increase in dopamine is measured  via brain scans as is cortizol in the stress response.

Research on psychopathic brains is covered as well.

Really interesting. Check it out

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Multiple Intelligences

I came across an advertisement for a new TV show called “Canada’s Smartest Person”. I had to laugh because I thought, “how will they determine that?”, “What type of measuring stick will they use”?  I mean, I believe there are so many different kinds of activities people can be “smart at”, so to speak. I clicked on the link and one of the first things I saw on the home page was a tab called “Multiple Intelligences”.

I remember in Psych 101 learning this concept and it always stuck with me. I have included the link because it so aptly describes many of the different way people can be brilliant.

I think its worth a read to help any of us who might be stuck on the idea that “book smart” is the only measure of intelligence.

Link to Multiple Intelligences descriptions

Dawn Cox is a Registered Clinical Counsellor offering counselling for individuals or couples, in person in Victoria BC or online.

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